This is another reason why I don't want Zac Efron to post me because of the woke mob who attacks anyone who doesn't side with them.
They already messed up my TikTok and I'm not even famous and they made hate pages about me on TikTok. They're pathetic and I'm still not siding with them after what they did to my TikTok account. They tried to mess up my IG account, too, but I just ignored their hate mail and I limited my comments because I really couldn't care less about their hate mail.
When people cave to mob pressure makes me rethink who I respect and who I want in my circle. To me, integrity matters more than popularity.
I'd rather have real fans than fake applause from Trump haters who don't care who anyone is.
At the end of the day, I’m grateful for the few public figures who seem willing to hold their ground instead of folding under pressure.
In a world full of noise, it’s rare to see someone choose independence over approval.
And that’s where I stand too — not owned, not swayed, and not interested in political fashion shows disguised as activism.
I'd rather keep my dignity than ever cave to the woke mob.
Thankful for the few celebs like Nicki Minaj, Candace Bure, etc. who didn't take a knee to the left and they didn't fold under pressure.
Surprised that Snoop Dogg switched to being a Trump Supporter now, too.
We don't care about those nasty Trump haters and their name calls and hate mail.
They can call us magats all they want because I call them libtards and they/them. It goes both ways with the name calls and I'd rather be a magat than a libtard any day of the week.
They already messed up my TikTok and I'm not even famous and they made hate pages about me on TikTok. They're pathetic and I'm still not siding with them after what they did to my TikTok account. They tried to mess up my IG account, too, but I just ignored their hate mail and I limited my comments because I really couldn't care less about their hate mail.
When people cave to mob pressure makes me rethink who I respect and who I want in my circle. To me, integrity matters more than popularity.
I'd rather have real fans than fake applause from Trump haters who don't care who anyone is.
At the end of the day, I’m grateful for the few public figures who seem willing to hold their ground instead of folding under pressure.
In a world full of noise, it’s rare to see someone choose independence over approval.
And that’s where I stand too — not owned, not swayed, and not interested in political fashion shows disguised as activism.
I'd rather keep my dignity than ever cave to the woke mob.
Thankful for the few celebs like Nicki Minaj, Candace Bure, etc. who didn't take a knee to the left and they didn't fold under pressure.
Surprised that Snoop Dogg switched to being a Trump Supporter now, too.
We don't care about those nasty Trump haters and their name calls and hate mail.
They can call us magats all they want because I call them libtards and they/them. It goes both ways with the name calls and I'd rather be a magat than a libtard any day of the week.
Zac Efron
Every time Zac Efron is photographed with a woman people in the comments assume she’s into him or he’s into her. It’s annoying. LOL he is not anything with that Angelina Green girl. He was showing that she’s not going to be all over him. And it was a sign that I’m back together with him, LOL.
Birthdays
I can't believe I'll be 40 on February 9th. I feel like I'm 21. LOL.
And that my birthday is on Superbowl weekend. It's going to be a fun time when I can finally hang out with Zac Efron and peeps.
I haven't been doing any birthday posts this past year because I had things come up and couldn't do them so happy birthday to anyone's birthday I missed.
Every time Zac Efron is photographed with a woman people in the comments assume she’s into him or he’s into her. It’s annoying. LOL he is not anything with that Angelina Green girl. He was showing that she’s not going to be all over him. And it was a sign that I’m back together with him, LOL.
Birthdays
I can't believe I'll be 40 on February 9th. I feel like I'm 21. LOL.
And that my birthday is on Superbowl weekend. It's going to be a fun time when I can finally hang out with Zac Efron and peeps.
I haven't been doing any birthday posts this past year because I had things come up and couldn't do them so happy birthday to anyone's birthday I missed.
Chapter: Accepting my Fate
I can't believe it! After all this time it really is Zac Efron the whole entire time who I am meant to be with. I just thought it wasn't him at the time because I kept having crushes on other people while I was with him (and I don't want to be with a person if I'm still crushing on other people while being with that person), but at the same time he didn't turn down those fake hook up scenes and I already told him a long time ago that was a deal breaker for me but I knew it wasn't his fault he was being made to do questionable scenes for a 5 second clip, and he wasn't making time for visiting me so it was his own fault that I had the crushes on others because I was tired of being in a long distance for three years and not meeting him yet. I even tried dating Zach, another Zach I knew who was an hour away and Zach wouldn't travel for me, either.
I was right when I thought it was Zac Efron back in the day.
I kept trying with people from my high school and college and nothing ever worked out with any of them. Things didn't work out with Zach from college, either. I just couldn't accept it at the time that I'm meant for Zac Efron because I didn't like his shitty father who kept parading his side piece wife everywhere as if he didn't care what he did to Starla and me. Everyone else just put up with Zac's dad's bullshit. Nobody spoke a word about his affairs and scandals until I did. I was getting tired of the disrespect he was showing the world in how he was disrespecting his first wife by bringing his second side piece family to all the red carpets when the only reason Zac Efron is a star today is because of Starla.
That's why I had a hard time being with Zac Efron, plus the Zanessa shippers were annoying AF still shipping him with Vanessa Hudgens even though she's married to Cole Tucker and has two kids with him some people still wouldn't stop with the Zanessa shit and that was getting on my last nerve because I don't deserve the disrespect, and neither does Cole Tucker. And Zac couldn't comment about the Zanessa shipping at the time because he can't post me yet. I have to finish my writing projects before he can finally post me. I get it now.
Zac Efron really is the only guy who I have ever tried dating who has surpassed me in every way. That's what I wanted -- a guy who can give us the yacht life on the weekends or at least a comfortable life. It doesn't have to be a mansion, just a life where we didn't have to struggle. Everyone else I tried to date barely got by.
Finally. I can't believe I'm finally with a musician like myself. I always wanted to date another musician so that we can play music together, too.
I can't believe it! After all this time it really is Zac Efron the whole entire time who I am meant to be with. I just thought it wasn't him at the time because I kept having crushes on other people while I was with him (and I don't want to be with a person if I'm still crushing on other people while being with that person), but at the same time he didn't turn down those fake hook up scenes and I already told him a long time ago that was a deal breaker for me but I knew it wasn't his fault he was being made to do questionable scenes for a 5 second clip, and he wasn't making time for visiting me so it was his own fault that I had the crushes on others because I was tired of being in a long distance for three years and not meeting him yet. I even tried dating Zach, another Zach I knew who was an hour away and Zach wouldn't travel for me, either.
I was right when I thought it was Zac Efron back in the day.
I kept trying with people from my high school and college and nothing ever worked out with any of them. Things didn't work out with Zach from college, either. I just couldn't accept it at the time that I'm meant for Zac Efron because I didn't like his shitty father who kept parading his side piece wife everywhere as if he didn't care what he did to Starla and me. Everyone else just put up with Zac's dad's bullshit. Nobody spoke a word about his affairs and scandals until I did. I was getting tired of the disrespect he was showing the world in how he was disrespecting his first wife by bringing his second side piece family to all the red carpets when the only reason Zac Efron is a star today is because of Starla.
That's why I had a hard time being with Zac Efron, plus the Zanessa shippers were annoying AF still shipping him with Vanessa Hudgens even though she's married to Cole Tucker and has two kids with him some people still wouldn't stop with the Zanessa shit and that was getting on my last nerve because I don't deserve the disrespect, and neither does Cole Tucker. And Zac couldn't comment about the Zanessa shipping at the time because he can't post me yet. I have to finish my writing projects before he can finally post me. I get it now.
Zac Efron really is the only guy who I have ever tried dating who has surpassed me in every way. That's what I wanted -- a guy who can give us the yacht life on the weekends or at least a comfortable life. It doesn't have to be a mansion, just a life where we didn't have to struggle. Everyone else I tried to date barely got by.
Finally. I can't believe I'm finally with a musician like myself. I always wanted to date another musician so that we can play music together, too.
I thought I would forever waste my life crushing on people I could never have - hot seniors when I was a freshman who were off-limits, celebrities I'd never meet, college interns from Notre Dame who I worked with who were the forbidden workplace fruit fantasy, fantasies that lingered long after they should have stopped. The idea of marriage terrified me, not because of commitment, but because I did not want to be with a partner who was crushing on other people whether it was celebrity crushes or other people. I did not want to be misaligned. I wanted to be fully about who the person I would be with, not being half-present while secretly daydreaming about another. That included no celebrity crushes. I had to confess to those, too, before I could be with The One. I knew that meant I had to be honest about my own crushes - even the harmless, imaginary, celebrity ones. Before I could be with "The One," I had to let all the crush baggage go.
I refused to have a partner who thirsted after celebrities they would never have or he was sighing behind my back about some hot college classmate he could never have. I was just a fan girl and I knew I would never have celebrity crushes, but there are some fans who do waste their lives pretending to be with celebrities they will never have and I will never be that kind of fan. I knew when something wouldn't work out and I accepted it instead of acting bitter. I have always known the difference between admiration and delusion. I enjoy many things but I don't waste my life pretending something unreal is real. I accept reality. I accept when something isn't for me and when something is.
I refused to have a partner who thirsted after celebrities they would never have or he was sighing behind my back about some hot college classmate he could never have. I was just a fan girl and I knew I would never have celebrity crushes, but there are some fans who do waste their lives pretending to be with celebrities they will never have and I will never be that kind of fan. I knew when something wouldn't work out and I accepted it instead of acting bitter. I have always known the difference between admiration and delusion. I enjoy many things but I don't waste my life pretending something unreal is real. I accept reality. I accept when something isn't for me and when something is.
For the longest time, I couldn't figure out why people at school were acting so salty toward me.
- The shady glares weren't just coming from the girls. It was both guys and girls who glared at me.
How my teenage brain worked:
On bored days, my teenage self lived entirely in her imagination.
So instead:
What I didn’t know at the time?
On bored days, my teenage self lived entirely in her imagination.
- I came up with lots of crush fantasies about my classmates.
- I did not want to be the girl who thirsts over celebrities she will never date or marry.
- I had already seen what that path looked like—and I wanted no part of it.
- She never dated anyone.
- She didn’t maintain guy friendships.
- She acted strangely, pretending she was “with” a celebrity.
- The celebrity didn’t even want to take a fan photo with her.
So instead:
- I fantasized about real people.
- Hot classmates.
- People who actually existed in my world.
What I didn’t know at the time?
- Apparently, my classmates could sense these fantasies.
- They wanted to be “the fantasy.”
- And when they weren’t… the glares started. 😅
Yes, I had girl fantasies too. Not romantic--life fantasies.
- A girl best friend with the same name as me.
- Two girl friends dating two guy friends.
- Two sisters and two brothers dating.
- A close-knit group of college girls who would be my bridesmaids.
- A lot of girls were mean.
- A lot of them were jealous.
- Many guys wanted me, not them.
- And some girls nearly missed out on their own fantasies because of it.
- A Chinese girl best friend like me.
- They were jealous I hung out at Morrissey Hall with the boys.
- They didn’t have that kind of friendship with any guy.
The fantasy list (yes, I had one). The honest, chaotic list of fantasies teenage-me entertained:
- The J-name fantasy
- Same first letter as me. Jessie + J-name.
- The birthday twin fantasy
- Crushing on someone with the same birthday.
- The soccer player fantasy
- For some reason… soccer players.
- Someone’s brother
- Brother–brother fantasy
- Seeing which brother would confess.
- Neighbor boy fantasy
- Twin fantasies
- Crushing on twins.
- Waiting to see which one would confess.
- Orchestra / band stand sandwich
- Crushing on the two guys sitting on either side of me.
- Waiting to see who would confess first.
- College dorm roommate fantasy
- Crushing on two roommates.
- Again… waiting for a confession.
- Marine / military fantasy
- I thought about joining for marching band and exercise.
- Realized I wasn’t a military girl.
- Still crushed on a Marines guy.
- Fan community fantasy
- Befriending fans at conventions or forums.
- Inviting them to my future wedding.
- Celebrity connections (not delusions)
- Meeting celebrities for a TV project I’m working on.
- Not pretending to be with them—actual collaboration.
- Hater’s brother fantasy
- Crushing on a mean girl’s brother.
- Purely out of spite. 💅
YouTube: @jessiediariesessa/@essaberrydiaries
IG: @essaberrydiaries/@westcoastlifenew
TikTok: @diariesofjessie
IG: @essaberrydiaries/@westcoastlifenew
TikTok: @diariesofjessie
To All The Boys I've Loved Before
Sometimes, I wondered what my life would be like in a fictional setting.
I only get my ideas from my non-fiction events. I'm not really good at writing fictional stories.
To All the Boys reminds me of my real life but fictionalized, LOL.
It's also no coincidence that the main character who is a girl is Asian, just like me - Lana Condor.
The three Asian sisters are me - Lara Jean, older sister - Mona, youngest sister - Rachel.
The five boys from high school are:
1. Michael - a lusty neighbor boy
2. Paul - Kenny Donati
3. Andrew - John Ambrose -- Andrew and I did stare at each other for one second in real life and never spoke in real life. HAHA
4. Drew - who I forgot was the high school boyfriend and prom date - Lucas in the movie, LOL.
5. Jay - Josh Sanderson, the next door neighbor boy, how fitting J-name
Sometimes, I wondered what my life would be like in a fictional setting.
I only get my ideas from my non-fiction events. I'm not really good at writing fictional stories.
To All the Boys reminds me of my real life but fictionalized, LOL.
It's also no coincidence that the main character who is a girl is Asian, just like me - Lana Condor.
The three Asian sisters are me - Lara Jean, older sister - Mona, youngest sister - Rachel.
The five boys from high school are:
1. Michael - a lusty neighbor boy
2. Paul - Kenny Donati
3. Andrew - John Ambrose -- Andrew and I did stare at each other for one second in real life and never spoke in real life. HAHA
4. Drew - who I forgot was the high school boyfriend and prom date - Lucas in the movie, LOL.
5. Jay - Josh Sanderson, the next door neighbor boy, how fitting J-name
Pan-Tech, Inc. is a freelancing company I work for on the side. I own the company.
Pan-Tech is an evening or weekend part-time position. I don't get paid for the work. It's just to gain more experiences.
Once in a while I will get paid for the work, but it doesn't make me enough to afford my own apartment. It just pays for meals.
Pan-Tech is an evening or weekend part-time position. I don't get paid for the work. It's just to gain more experiences.
Once in a while I will get paid for the work, but it doesn't make me enough to afford my own apartment. It just pays for meals.
