I kept wondering why people at school were acting so salty to me and giving me shady glares. The salt was from both guys and girls, not just guys who weren't a fantasy. At the time, I didn't understand it. And then I realized, the guys didn't want to date those girls who were mean to me because all my guy classmates wanted to be a fantasy for me.
On a bored day, my teenage self would come up with lots of fantasies about having crushes on my classmates. I didn't want to be that girl who thirsts over celebrities who will never date or marry me. I've seen a girl waste 25 years of her life thirsting over a celebrity she will never have and she's never dated anyone at all and doesn't have any friends as classmates because she kept thirsting over a Hollywood celebrity who doesn't want to take a fan photo with her because she acted weird pretending to be with a celebrity.
I preferred thirsting over my hot classmates so I came up with a bunch of fantasies to myself.
I knew I would end up with a high school or college classmate and I was seeing which fantasy would come true.
I thought it was only to myself. I had no idea that all my classmates could hear my fantasies as I made them up and they all wanted to be a fantasy and when some weren't fantasies they gave me mean glares. LOL. I was just thinking fantasies in my bedroom all to myself.
I had fantasies for girls, too.
I wanted a girl best friend with the same name as me, two friends who were girls to date two guys who are friends, two sisters and two brothers dating, meeting a group of girls in college to be my bridesmaids but they were mostly mean and jealous because most of the guys wanted me and not them and they nearly missed out on their fantasies. I did say I wanted a Chinese girl best friend like myself, but when I met one or two in college they were jealous I got to hang out at Morrissey Hall with most of the boys at that dorm and they didn't have that kind of friendship with any boy. I even went to an all girls' college, Saint Mary's College and still couldn't find a group of girls there to be my bridesmaids. I met my bridesmaids at a youth group and only three people from Saint Mary's College could be a bridesmaid.
I had a list of fantasies:
-my number one fantasy was being with a Boy Jessie - a guy with the same name as me. I knew that wasn't going to happen so I had to call a mystery boy, Boy Jessie instead. I had to accept there were no Jesses at my school at all and that being with someone who is most like myself is the next best thing. . .this would be who my true future husband is but I didn't know who the Boy Jessie at my school was at the time. I kept asking myself, "Where are you, Boy Jessie? Who are you?" I didn't know at the time.
-I also wanted a high school wedding reunion fantasy and I wanted to invite most of my classmates because I knew my true future husband would be from high school, not college or after, but I didn't know which classmate it was at the time and I thought I had to give up the high school classmate husband fantasy because most classmates got married after we all graduated
-the J-name fantasy - having the same first letter as me to be Jessie and a J-name
-the birthday twin fantasy - having a crush on someone with the same birthday as me
-the soccer player fantasy -- for some reason I had a crush on a few soccer players
-someone's brother
-brother-brother: seeing which brother will confess
-neighbor boy
-twin fantasies - having a crush on twins and seeing which one will confess
-Orchestra/Band stand partner sandwich - having a crush on two guys who sit next to each other for orchestra/band to see which one will confess
-having a crush on two roommates for a college dorm room fantasy to see which one will confess
-a marine military fantasy - I had wanted to join the military to be in the military marching band for exercise but I knew I was not a military girl and I wanted a military marines guy to crush on, too.
-I had wanted to befriend other fans at conventions or fan forums to invite them to my wedding.
-I also wanted to meet celebrities who can be in my T.V. Show project that I'm working on.
-I also wanted to meet a political best friend on a politics forum to invite to my wedding.
-I wanted to also have a crush on a hater's brother fantasy just to spite his sister for being mean.
On a bored day, my teenage self would come up with lots of fantasies about having crushes on my classmates. I didn't want to be that girl who thirsts over celebrities who will never date or marry me. I've seen a girl waste 25 years of her life thirsting over a celebrity she will never have and she's never dated anyone at all and doesn't have any friends as classmates because she kept thirsting over a Hollywood celebrity who doesn't want to take a fan photo with her because she acted weird pretending to be with a celebrity.
I preferred thirsting over my hot classmates so I came up with a bunch of fantasies to myself.
I knew I would end up with a high school or college classmate and I was seeing which fantasy would come true.
I thought it was only to myself. I had no idea that all my classmates could hear my fantasies as I made them up and they all wanted to be a fantasy and when some weren't fantasies they gave me mean glares. LOL. I was just thinking fantasies in my bedroom all to myself.
I had fantasies for girls, too.
I wanted a girl best friend with the same name as me, two friends who were girls to date two guys who are friends, two sisters and two brothers dating, meeting a group of girls in college to be my bridesmaids but they were mostly mean and jealous because most of the guys wanted me and not them and they nearly missed out on their fantasies. I did say I wanted a Chinese girl best friend like myself, but when I met one or two in college they were jealous I got to hang out at Morrissey Hall with most of the boys at that dorm and they didn't have that kind of friendship with any boy. I even went to an all girls' college, Saint Mary's College and still couldn't find a group of girls there to be my bridesmaids. I met my bridesmaids at a youth group and only three people from Saint Mary's College could be a bridesmaid.
I had a list of fantasies:
-my number one fantasy was being with a Boy Jessie - a guy with the same name as me. I knew that wasn't going to happen so I had to call a mystery boy, Boy Jessie instead. I had to accept there were no Jesses at my school at all and that being with someone who is most like myself is the next best thing. . .this would be who my true future husband is but I didn't know who the Boy Jessie at my school was at the time. I kept asking myself, "Where are you, Boy Jessie? Who are you?" I didn't know at the time.
-I also wanted a high school wedding reunion fantasy and I wanted to invite most of my classmates because I knew my true future husband would be from high school, not college or after, but I didn't know which classmate it was at the time and I thought I had to give up the high school classmate husband fantasy because most classmates got married after we all graduated
-the J-name fantasy - having the same first letter as me to be Jessie and a J-name
-the birthday twin fantasy - having a crush on someone with the same birthday as me
-the soccer player fantasy -- for some reason I had a crush on a few soccer players
-someone's brother
-brother-brother: seeing which brother will confess
-neighbor boy
-twin fantasies - having a crush on twins and seeing which one will confess
-Orchestra/Band stand partner sandwich - having a crush on two guys who sit next to each other for orchestra/band to see which one will confess
-having a crush on two roommates for a college dorm room fantasy to see which one will confess
-a marine military fantasy - I had wanted to join the military to be in the military marching band for exercise but I knew I was not a military girl and I wanted a military marines guy to crush on, too.
-I had wanted to befriend other fans at conventions or fan forums to invite them to my wedding.
-I also wanted to meet celebrities who can be in my T.V. Show project that I'm working on.
-I also wanted to meet a political best friend on a politics forum to invite to my wedding.
-I wanted to also have a crush on a hater's brother fantasy just to spite his sister for being mean.